Panic Attacks

 I have panic attacks and I hate them. When you have a panic attack you feel like you are dying and there is no real way to stop it you kind of just have to wait it out which is the hardest part. Last night I didn’t even realize I was having a panic attack until I was in my bathroom and everything was spinning and I just couldn’t think straight I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I think the weirdest part about it is that my roommate told it was a good thing but it isn’t when I have a panic attack I get all emotional and I hate showing what my true emotions are. I don’t like people knowing how I feel about myself. That’s super personal and I don’t need anyone to know that side of me the side with all my problems the side that is buried so deep inside of that I sometimes forget about it. I hate that side of me. That side of me is the side that says I am worthless that I am not good enough. It is where all my sad thoughts hide in the shadows. I guess it is pretty common for people to hide their emotions but then when a mental breakdown or panic attack happens all those hidden emotions come to the surface like a waterfall and there is no stopping them which sucks. I think I’m having like a perpetual panic attack right now I don’t know what is going on. Maybe I should just admit that I am not ok and I need to be ok with that. I thought had gotten better but apparently not ugh life is no bueno right now I need to take a step back and really focus on myself I don’t think I’m going to eat much this week I think I’ll drink lots of water and start exercising I’m so mentally exhausted  I need rest.